Personal: Did you ever just feel like a jerk?

Okay, first off, I have a confession to make.. Those few days I didn’t post anything – I was down South visiting my family. For Christmas.

Okay, my husband and I don’t celebrate Christmas (though I did buy a glitter poinsettia and put it on the coffee table in the living room, next to all our Christmas cards), but my family does.. and they still get us gifts, which, being the materialistic individuals we are – we don’t complain about!

My mom and dad always ask what we want, and we always suffer over our list throughout the year, trying to think of something we wouldn’t spend money on for ourselves. Our Christmas gifts are a time when frivolity and fun are allowed to enter the financial picture.

Eventually, my husband decided on either a leather jacket, or a pocket camera. I, on the other hand, had my heart set on an iPod Touch. One of the evil 64GB ones I could dump my whole media library on, as well as load up with a gajillion fun, albeit useless, applications.

Secure in my belief that a shiny box from Apple was going to be under the tree, I spend the two nights before Christmas Day browsing through the iTunes app store, looking for interesting little doo-hickeys that caught my eye. On Christmas Eve, I went to sleep excited and content.

Christmas morning, I woke up after literally about two hours of sleep. (I was at my dad’s house and have trouble falling asleep in different beds) My husband and I got dressed, brushed our teeth, wiped the gunk out of our eyes and waddled into the living room where people were distributing gifts.

First off, I got some little things, like some snowman mugs, a few cards full of cash (always a pleasure!), a tin of hot chocolate, a DVD player for the living room (our other one had broken), a bottle of Chanel No. 5 (sublime!).. But no iPod. I didn’t see Sadik get his leather jacket or camera either.

Eventually, my dad came over with a BIIIIIIIIG box. My husband and I looked curiously at each other. I asked him to open it, and he did, and what did we find?

Yes. A television. Not just any television, but a 32″, Samsung LCD. Now, I got happy (who wouldn’t be?), but inside, I was disappointed. I felt like an asshole.

You see – the Mr. and I had been in the market for a television. We have spent more than a year wistfully browsing the stores for the perfect television in our budget. We decided that we’d like to go for something at least 37″, but more in the range of 40″-46″ for our living room.

Now, I said ‘we’ earlier, but I should clarify. Mostly the television was my husband’s thing. Every time he was looking at televisions, I’d be wishing for a treadmill. You see, we already have two televisions, albeit – old, clunky, standard models around ten years old. Two televisions, in my opinion, were even one too many. I had only recently given in to the idea of having a tv in the bedroom. A pretty, big, modern looking tv sure would be nice looking in the living room, but that’s about as excited as I got regarding them.

Now, with this twinge of disappointment, I ended up feeling like a major asshole. Seriously.. A majorly stuck-up asshole. I mean, who was I to feel disappointed in something that was so nice? Something that most people would LOVE to get on Christmas morning instead of the usual ugly sweater or maybe a few DVD’s. Here I was getting a huge and beautiful gift, and feeling disappointed about it.

Later on, my brother explained why this had happened. Basically, my dad wanted to have something impressive under the Christmas tree. He didn’t just want to give my husband a little box with a camera, and me a little box with an iPod. He wanted to make an impression. Hence, the tv. I mean, in his mind, and my brother’s mind.. Who wouldn’t want a tv? (and yeah, of course, they’re guys!)

My brother said he picked up the nicest tv in the Christmas budget and got that one, so that we could return it and use the money to get whatever we wanted later on. The thing my little brother didn’t understand (little bro has always lived with my dad who used to be quite well off, and now little bro pulls in a six-figure salary himself).. Is that you can’t give a television to a couple.. and expect the male in the couple to exchange that television for a fun little doo-hickey for his wife. It just doesn’t happen.

On the way home the next day, I actually cried in the car because I felt like such a monster. I should be happy. I should be grateful. I decided to make my husband happy, that we would keep the television, return it and put the money towards an upgrade to a 42″ television package. As much as I really disliked the idea, I figured it would make my husband happy, and once we had it installed in the living room, it would make me feel better just by virtue of it looking so much nicer than our heavy looking 26″ standard tv.

Regarding my stupid and frivolous iPod Touch.. I told myself if I got rid of some of the stuff in the house and sold it (essentially cleaning up), that I could use the money to buy my silly little iPod. Thing is, even thinking about that, I feel bad about that. Like I should be being more practical.

I don’t know.. I still feel like a major ass.